Help Wanted
by Starlet36
Summary: After getting diaries to express themselves...and landing in jail faster than you can say 'Martha Stewart', the Yamis are forced into some community service...aka jobs. Oh dear. Jobs will never be the same...
1. Expressing Yourself

Ok, I'm currently having a writers' block with my current story of 'Hikariness'. No, that's an understatement. Acute lack of creativity? Sounds like a mental disease…It'll do. Combined with extreme boredom, the want for comic relief, and hot chocolate, you have this fic! (Not to worry reviewers, the other story will be updated soon.)  
**Warning**: MAJOR OOCNESS and CRUDE SLAPSTICK HUMOR. If any of the following offend you, then please don't read.  
Disclaimer: Don't own.

Have you ever wondered what the Yu-Gi-Oh characters are really thinking?

These profound thoughts that will surely be made into a book for later generations to soak up its genius? Um, not exactly.  
**Chapter 1: Expressive Pink Diaries**

* * *

**10: 30 a.m.  
**Dear Stupid Diary that I am forced to write in, 

It is I, Bakura… (Ra, doesn't that sound smart?)

The SEXIEST

Man/Spirit

Ever.

And modest, kind, caring, and not at all insane. (convenient nearby lie-detector going haywire)  
Not trying to brag or anything to all those other ugly, unfortunate souls.

**10:31 a.m.  
**Did I mention sexy?

**10:35 a.m.  
**Okay, Okay enough with the introduction. I don't even want to write in this RaForsaken frilly PINK (O.M.G.) Diary! Can you believe it, Ryou gave me a diary! Something to do with quote 'needing to express myself'. Unquote.

"Express myself!" I walk down the street, and pedestrians give me odd looks at my outburst. They obviously can't resist my charm.

"Weirdo," muttered one lady with a curled lip, who was oblivious to my charm. _She _was the weirdo. Well, if she wanted it so badly…

Express this! **Me:** hurls the diary in question to express my feelings of anger…and knocks an old lady out. Oops.

Maybe if I just walk away, and act as if I had no clue where it came from…

**5 minutes later:  
**Um, not good. I did NOT know that she was part of the Association of Bingo Players! ABP? PAB? Do you know that friggin' association is everywhere.

Which is why I find myself running from a bunch of old people. Humiliating, yes.

And this is what the great thief Bakura must degrade himself to? Never! I will take my stand right here!

**3.5 seconds later  
**Stupid :(pant): FRIGGIN' :(pant): CANES :(pant)

How the hell was I supposed to know that all members of ABP take self-defense courses!

What happened to those senile, kind grandmas who used to bake cookies for you?

Grandma who I knocked out: GET HIM!  
ABP member 1: (whack cane on defenseless knee)  
Me: I didn't mean to! I was just err…expressing myself?

All ABP members stop what they're doing and give Bakura a you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me-look. Maybe I should tell the truth…Ryou DID say that truth will set you free…

Me: Okay, okay I'll admit that that was all bull.

**.00000005 milliseconds later  
**(ABP members hurling canes, bingo pieces, and just about anything within range)  
I will kill Ryou.

**10:42 a.m. (elderly in high pursuit of former tomb robber)**  
It has just hitme.  
They have the speed of a snail, while I have the agility of a tomb robber on my side. Now all I have to do is carefully escape their hold in a dignified manner.

A pair of teeth comes flying and latches its sharp dentures into my…well-toned butt. Mortifying? Duh.  
OW. RUN!  
So much for dignity.  
(while running from the elderly while clutching my poor fanny) Hey, at least I know I can put this all behind me. It's not as if they can track me or anything

**11:00 a.m. (nursing bruised heiny in room)  
**I cannot believe they tracked me! Stupid Ryou actually put my name on the line where it says 'this belongs to (blank)'. Doesn't he know of the conspiracy of these book companies! Sure, they may seem all like meek, scrawny librarians but it's a lie I tell you!

Hold up my tirade.

Can't think due to noise outside window.

I peer out the window, and they're still chanting. I pick up a pillow and put it to my head. No use. Hmmm…I grab 20 layers of blankets and put them on top of me.

(muffle) BRING DOWN (muffle) PREJUDICESTO INNOCENT (muffle) BY BAKURA  
Gah, I can still hear them! And it's hot under here!  
"Ra, just have a heart attack or something." I mutter perhaps a little too loudly.

(A Golf cart is run through window) Heh, maybe I shouldn't speak my thoughts aloud.  
(glances at deck) Too bad Ryou forbid me to send any more people to the Shadow Realm…

Wait. If I 'accidentally' dropped my deck. I pick up my deck and do so.

And I just can't let my cards fall. One of their precious corners may be irrevocably damaged. And I just can't watch that atrocity occur!

I nimbly catch the deck one-handed while I write this sentence with Ryou's damn fluffy pen that he bought me.  
But by Ra, do I have awesome reflexes! I flex a muscle and look at myself admiringly. I run a hand through my thick white locks, and grin. I am so smart, handsome, sexy…and more handsome. One can never be too handsome.  
Hmmm, what is my deck doing in my perfectly sculpted, strong lean hand?

I don't see why everyone says I have the attention span of a flea.

I hear the yells again. Oh, yeah. Them.  
'Accidentally' toss out Luster Dragon and 'accidentally' power it with shadow magic.

I am totally innocent.

**1:30 p.m. in prison**  
And yet why does no one believe me?

I am currently in cell 75, writing with this stupid pink pen with my only cell mate "Bubba" for company. For some reason the guards even looked at me pityingly when I got assigned to him. I wonder why…despite the scary scar combined with the eerie crop of orange hair and clownish appearance, he seemed rather friendly.

"Hey roomie," said Bubba in a slinky voice as he got out a dagger from behind. "Want a tattoo?"

Ummmm…

"Of course you do, and that's why I'm going to carve you a special one RIGHT ON YOUR FACE LIKE I WANT TO DO WITH THAT STUPID TIMMY WHO TURNED ME IN! I DIDN"T MEAN TO MISS THAT **F-ING** SHOT ON THAT **F-ING** DONKEY AND KILL HIS **F-ING** CAT!" He throws a second dagger and it took all of my thieving skills to not be 'tattooed'. Bubba picks up his leftovers from his appetizing meal of gruel and hurls them at me. Unfortunately, my thieving skills could not save me from the enemy that is gruel. Ewww, gruel feels nasty.

Great, now I'm stuck with a psychotic clown. Someday Disney will come and account my heartbreaking journey and I'll make millions.

I watch Bubba get that crazed look in his eyes again as continues to rant about Timmy's 7th birthday.

Hurry up Disney.

**3:30 p.m.  
**I am free! I have escaped from Bubba, and have resolved to avoid clowns for the rest of my life. Seriously.

Ryou had to come out of school and bail me out of jail. I _tried_ to tell him I was innocent and my dragon only scared them away, but he didn't listen. Something to do with respecting your elders.

Bah, what a stupid concept.

**Ryou:** (leans over and reads sentence) It is not stupid!  
**Me:** They have an association called ABP, and one of them ran a golf cart into your home…of course they're to be respected.  
**Ryou:** Bakura you need to learn manners! Or maybe you're just bored stuck at home so you need to blah blah blah. I tune his ranting out.

Okay back to the most important thing. Me.

**1: 35 p.m.  
**Still handsome. (Yay!)  
Ryou is still ranting. (Damn.)

**1:36 p.m.  
**I just noticed something. I am writing in a PINK DIARY with a PINK FLUFFY-TIPPED PEN. I thinkRyou made it pink to spite me.

Does anyone but me see something wrong with this picture?

If you answer pink diary, pink, or the word fluffy associated with the word Bakura then you are correct.

Hmmmm…I can rename you into something less girly than diary.  
Diario? Umm, ew.  
Journal? Overdone. It needs to be original for an original soul.  
Bobo? (shudders) Clowns.  
Pancake? No, but yummy.  
Feta cheese?  
Phineas?

Oh, fine, Phineas it is. Makes me sound intellectual. Chicks dig that right? (reading question) Wow, how white can I get?  
Ryou looks at me like I'm insane. He snaps out of his rant and gets to his point. "Um, Bakura about what I was saying before…I got you a newspaper."

He tosses the paper over, and has dog-eared a page labeled job listings…

This can't bea good sign.

"You are going to get a job Bakura. The sheriff and I had a talk over your freedom…(Me: uh-oh) And he agreed to let you free BUT," Ryou said seriously in a no-nonsense voice. There always had to be a 'but'.

Ryou continued with a frown as he heard my thoughts. "BUT you must show you're a respectable citizen for a month. To be 'respectable', you must get a job, and there can be no complaints from the community about your behavior."

"But-" I start to cut in. This agreement was completely unfair; it was prejudice I tell you!

"The sheriff also told me to tell you that if you do not comply to this agreement that…(he takes a dramatic pause) Bubba is waiting for you."  
I visibly pale.

Any objections died in my throat. That and the fact that Ryou discovered that the Millennium Items will melt when Coke is poured over it. Damn the Coca-Cola Company.

Ryou held a can of Coke over his Ring while he attempted to lighten the mood, "You got that homie B?"

So much for trying to break out of the suburban, dorky, white stereotype.  
Ah well, how hard can a job be, I innocently asked myself having no idea of the horrors that awaited.

I just nodded my head in acceptance. With Ryou giving me a look that clearly read "don't leave me hangin' brutha", I sighed, giving in as I thought how this is what rock bottom looked like…

"Word."

* * *

So do you like? Should I give it up? I know this beginning isn't original, but I think it's so funny if Bakura, Yami, or any other character kept a diary. And we got to read it.  
The only point of this chapter was to introduce the characters. The plot (?)will really start next chapter…if there is one depending on how well this is received…  
If I do write another chapter it will probably be with Yami, possible therapy, and he getting dragged into this mess as well… 

I'm completely open to suggestions and ideas!

Also question: If you were an employee, where would you be driven insane first in, Publix or Wal-Mart?

LOL! AND R R!  
-Starlet36


	2. Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen

Thank you reviewers for your job ideas!  
Now as we all know this is extremely OOC…and that's why I love writing it.  
Disclaimer: I wonder what would happen if I said I actually did own (handcuffs waiting) err scratch that. Don't own.  
**Important A/N!** About Publix, OMG I'm so sorry! It wasn't until I asked my Dad later on that I realized that Publix is like a Floridian store that is just starting to be introduced out-of-state…oops.

Anyways, I'll get back to Bakura later, but right now, let's see how our all mighty-unbeatable Pharaoh is doing?

* * *

"I LOST!" wailed the all-mighty unbeatable Pharaoh Yami as he pounded his fists into the nearby white wall of the Motou residence.

"Well, it was bound to happen sometime Yami…" Yugi tried to console as he plopped his backpack onto his bed. Secretly though, he smiled as he thought about his bet with Joey. Twenty bucks! He quickly made the smile disappear as soon as Yami turned his face to Yugi's in anguish.

"You. Don't. Understand." Yami continued, crimson eyes wide with horror as he failed to notice his hikari's less than supportive expression. Even if you had told him the apocalypse was coming and they were all going to die, it wouldn't have had the same effect on his stricken face right now.

"Why don't you tell me about it," Yugi tried to say comfortingly.  
He was truly concerned about Yami's plight.

Hmmmm…wonder what's on TV right now?

"Yugi? Are you paying attention?" Yami asked as he gave a pained sigh.

Oh yeah, the Yami Soap Opera starring the overemotional Pharaoh in his most dramatic role yet. But Yugi muffled the snigger with a fake cough as his amethyst eyes were posedwith their utmost solemnity. Then he saw Yami's lip tremble in a pout as he gave a long whiny sigh.

Yugi bit his lip. He mustn't laugh, he mustn't laugh…

"Well it all started when Kaiba and I were dueling again…" Yami continued with a world-weary voice, mistaking Yugi's twitching face for a look of empathizing sympathy in his grievance. At least Yugi understood. (Yugi: Kaiba beat Yami's butt? This ought to be good…)

_Flashback to earlier that day…

* * *

"Welcome ladies and gentleman to the long-awaited rematch between Kaiba and Yugi-" the commentator Bob started._

"It's Yami!" Yami shouted in the direction of the booth looming above the dueling platform.

"Sorry, I meant his oddly-identical-twin-brother-yet-who-looks-oddly-older Yami Mouto! And his challenger, the infamous, powerful Seto Kaiba!" the commentator Bob said as the two duelists ceremoniously walked up to the opposite sides of the arena. The audience especially fangirls screamed their delight of the two equally hot duelists.

"Bobina, you're the expert. Who do you predict will be the winner?" Bob asked his co-commentator. The cameras zoomed up in a close-up of the handsome duelists.

Bobina: (drool) "It's hard to say: Kaiba's butt is awesome but Yami's chest makes me just want to…" she said with glazed eyes as she licked her lips.

Audience, Bob, Kaiba and Yami: O.OU

"Ummm…I meant as in the winner of the duel," Bob said nervously. It was clear through Kaiba's gestures that unless he got his co-worker focused that both of them would have a nice little "chat" with Mr. Kaiba.

Bobina hurriedly wipes the drool off, but couldn't resist winking down at the two males oblivious to her boss's death glare. "Oh yeah, well that's hard to say. Yami Mouto is the King of Games after all! And that thinker look of concentration is sooo cute-"

"I think what my co-worker is trying to say is that Mr. Mouto's dueling skills with his ingenious strategies, against-all-odd wins make him a force to be reckoned with," a sweatdropping Bob said as he wrenched the mike away from Bobina. "However, Kaiba's Blue Eyes White Dragons and his cunning strategies will test Yami's skills today. But they say that Mr. Mouto's noble and just attitude make him a role model for many."

_Down on the dueling arena the duelists were prepping themselves up…_

"Heart of the cards if you fail me, I swear Radamnit I'll chuck you mother f—kers into the sea faster than you can say Exodia," Yami muttered to the cards.  
So much for noble and just attitude.

Okayyyy…well at least Kaiba will be in his full no-nonsense, focused mood of preparation.

"My precious," Kaiba whispered as he stroked his Blue Eyes White Dragon card in a disturbing way. "My precious, you and I will beat Yami and become the #1 duelist once again," Kaiba ranted as he continued to talk to the card in a way that would make Gollum proud. "What is it Fluffy?" Kaiba asked, having no idea that the commercial break was over and the cameras were starting to swivel their heads over to the duelists again.

"You say that the meanie Pharaoh has no chance of beating us and after his humiliating defeat we'll team up and take over the world even though you're just a card and I'm one sexy human?"

Fluffy: O.O Um, not exactly…

"Tee hee, you're so funny!" the great, heartless Seto giggled.  
And national broadcasting caught every second of it. Nester, a Kaiba cronie, runs up to giggling Kaiba, "Um, sir we're on air…NOW"  
Oh, shoot.

Luckily the Kaiba protocol kicked in. Lesson 57: When caught in the act…proceed to the line that has saved countless individuals for centuries.

"OMG! Is that a human shaped bird falling out of my 30 story building!" Kaiba said as he pointed at the "bird" in question. Whoops, sorry Joey. Not. (Joey currently flapping his arms: WTF! Who pushed me! I'LL GET YOUUUU MONEY BAGGGSSSS! AGHHHHHHHH!)

Needless to say all of the audience's attention was turned to a certain blonde bird. Kaiba wasn't the most successful CEO in the world for nothing.

"Fluffy, huh?" Yami said as he struggled to keep a straight face.

"Shut up porcupine-head. Now if you don't mind Fluffy- I mean my Blue Eyes White Dragon and I are going to whoop you're butt."

"No it will be my Dark Magician and I who will whoop your fanny." Yami said as he glances down at his favorite card. He frowns as he thinks he sees the card's sharp lavender eyes glinting mutinously. "Right?"

DM: …  
Yami: Right!  
DM: …  
Yami: (desperate) Answer me!  
DM: Errr I'm just a card and thus can't talk…so you can't even hear-  
Yami: YOU TRAITOR! I KNEW IT! YOU ARE A SECRET BUNNY IN DISGUISE!  
DM: (bunny ears sticking up out of helmet) How did he know!

In a blind rage Yami does the unthinkable and rips the "traitorous" Dark Magician in half.

The whole world who was all watching with their jaws hanging to the floor: W…T…F.

_Yugi who is just hearing this, "WHAT! You ripped up my favorite card just because it couldn't friggin' talk back!"_

"_The bunny was evil, I tell you," Yami said solemnly as he got out the poorly taped Dark Magician. "You don't mind, do you?"_

_Yugi made sure Yami heard the colorful language he was using to describe his 'not minding'. Yami winced. Oops. _

"_Mind! I had to eat TWENTY FRIGGIN' bowls of Wheaties to get this damn card!" Yugi howled as he attempts to tackle Yami. Attempts being the key word. Yami holds him off with an outstretched arm as he continued with a worried brow, "Uh back to the story…"_

"WTF!" bellowed Kaiba as he watched Yami mutter to himself 'I win, I win!' as he spun around the room in a drunken victory dance.

His greatest opponent was a psychotic moron. Beautiful.  
The press was going to have a field day.  
"Yami/Yugi/whatever, first of all you need some serious psychiatric help. Second of all, I have a duel to win so GET going," Kaiba growled giving the his icy dagger glare. This glare would've been very effective…if he hadn't tucked his precious Fluffy back in his deck with a tender kiss.

"And you say _I_ need help…" Yami murmured 'accidentally' loud enough for Kaiba to hear. Oopsie. He had finally stopped spinning with a raised brow.

Kaiba curled his lip in disdain.  
Playtime was over…God, that sounded perverted.  
Yami had finished his shuffling his new DM-less deck (DM: Waaaahhhh! It's not my fault I'm a bunny! All other monsters: start inching closer to Yami) and now swaggered up to Kaiba for the traditional pre-victory speech.

"I'm going to beat you Kaiba, and finally show you the heart of the cards!" Yami once again announced while discreetly crossing his fingers behind his back. Heck, he just wanted to beat Kaiba. His angelic half tut-tutted to him. Yami continued, "I will finally teach you to see the light! Power isn't everything Kaiba, and one day you will learn that you must face your destiny…"

'Liar, liar pants on fire,' his angelic half chanted to him. Yami cursed it to hell. No good: it merely told him that hell was nice in the winter but got rather hot in the summer…

Yami groaned: they always say that voices in your head are always the first sign of insanity. And now that his had personality? Not good. To keep his mind off impending insanity, he counted the seconds until he got the typical Seto Kaiba response.

1, 2, 3…

"Destiny, tch." Bingo. "What a load of bull." Seto said predictably while Yami mouthed the words along with him, imitating the Kaiba sneer.  
Kaiba: **TT**

"I wouldn't be so cocky little man, you have two main factors against you…" Kaiba said in his most chilling voice.

Yami: **TT **_little_!

"One: you just ripped up your prized possession that you have used to save your butt countless times…" Kaiba said ignoring Yami's death glares.

"And two?" Yami asked while placating his anger by mentally picturing Kaiba in a frilly, ludicrous pink tutu. Ahhh, much better. And slightly disturbing.

"Two, my awesome Blue Eyes White Dragon-" Kaiba started out his starry eyes.

"The one with a name as lame as his master's position?" Yami interrupted with an innocent look. Yami had been implying it to the Fluffy incident moments before, but Kaiba mistook it for the part of how the Great CEO had yet to beat Yami in a fair duel.

If looks could kill, Kaiba's for Yami would have left just a pile of ashes bound for hell. And even that was putting it mildly. Needless to say, Yami had hit a raw nerve.

"So the ahou (fool) of a porcupine think he's got the duel in the bag?" Kaiba said with a calculating smirk. Yami didn't trust that look.  
Must keep thinking of Kaiba doing pirouettes...  
"I bet you've thought up strategies on how to beat me…" Yami _had_ but he would rather let Bakura rule his kingdom for a day and rename Egypt, Bakuraland before admitting that. Yami merely gave an 'I dunno' shrug. "If it's yet another combination of your lame-o dragon, then I guess you cold say I've thought of strategies to beat your dragons in my _sleep_." Kaiba's smirk only grew wider.

"Stupid little man, you know nothing."

_End flashback of humiliation._

* * *

"Yami," Yugi asked genuinely curious. "How'd he beat you?"

Yami groaned in pain. He opened his mouth and his angry, mortified emotions came streaming out…

"HE COMBINED HIS THREE DRAGONS INTO THAT STUPID ULTIMATE BEWD BUT THEN, OH-HO THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD, KAIBA USES A WEIRD DUPLICATION-MAGIC-CARD-CONVIENIENTLY-ONLY-ALLOWED-ON-BEWD! THE FREAKING HUGE DRAGON HAD AT LEAST **THIRTY FRIGGIN HEADS **AND THE POWER OF A GOD MONSTER! KAIBA WAS LAUGHING HIS ASS OF AT MY EXPRESSION RADAMNIT! THE BEWD VARIATION WAS CALLED THE 'AWESOMELY-SUPREMELEY-SUPER-KILLER-INGENIOUS-CARNAL-KNOWLEDGABLE-ELECTRIC-ROYAL BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON! OR AS KAIBA LIKED TO RUB IN MY FACE, HE CALLED IT HIS 'ICKLE **_FLUFFYKINS_**!" Yami bellowed, somehow resembling an angry Sonic as he blew his hikari off of the bed with his tremendous voice. His nostrils flared in and out during his deep quick furious breaths, and now Yugi had to admit he _did_ look like an angry puffed out porcupine.

"Wow," was all Yugi whispered in awe.

"I know aibou, I know it's horrible…I'll make sure that bastard and his malovent little 'Fluffy' will pay!" Yami continued in his tirade.

"Actually I meant 'wow' as in wow, I wonder how they fit that name onto the card" Yugi said oblivious to Yami's anime fall as he did a major sweatdrop "…I guess they must've had to use abbreviations. I wonder what that abbreviates to hmmm…" Yugi continued.

Yami banged his head slowly and deliberately against the wall. He mumbled something incoherent. Had Yugi checked he would've seen his darker half's furiously blushing face.

However, Yugi ignored Yami's decimating of his brain cells.

A is for Awesomely…S is for supremely…another S is for super…K is for killer…

It didn't take much thinking before it clicked.

"A.S.S.K.I.C.K.E.R. BEWD!" Yugi asked incredulous. Now, even BEWD, excuse him, A.S.S.K.I.C.K.E.R. Fluffy's name connotated violence. Yugi felt the corners of his lips twitch as he could just imagine Kaiba gloating over the name in his press conferences.

'The King of Games got his ass kicked' and 'Meet the Only Monster Whose Name Tells Its Actions' would be the headlines of the tabloids tomorrow. Terrible. Yet extremeley amusing.

"Grrrrrr…I'm going to kill Kaiba," Yami said with a wild gleam in his crimson eyes.

Yugi: O.o.

Perhaps it was time to seek some professional help.

"Oh shut up, you, I know you said I shouldn't underestimate him but c'mon I thought I'd seen all his cards before…" Yami said to his shoulder.

"Um, Yami who are you taking to?" Yugi asked fearful for his Yami's sanity.

"Oh, just that stupid voice in my head…" Yami said, oblivious to his hikari slowly inching away from him. "No, I am not moping! I am perfectly fine, thank you!" he continued to the angelic mini version of him despite its warning motions to shut up.

Definitely time to seek professional help.

**2:30 p.m. Shrink's office…in straightjacket **

"I'll repeat what I just said," I continued to the psychiarist, Ms. Thomas, in a strait jacket, "I do NOT need to be here. All I said was that I needed to kill Kaiba, yet I told my aibo- I mean brother, that the stupid angelic voice in my head told me I shouldn't do it…You understand then, that I don't need to be here, don't you?" I asked.  
_In denial_, the lady shrink scribbled on her clipboard, _Is hearing voices in his head. Obviously very unstable._

"Of course, Mr. Mouto." She said with a nod, tucking a stray highlighted blonde hair back into her tight no-nonsense bun.

"Good, now if you don't mind I have to go a challenge Kaiba for a rematch," I said getting up as well asI could with a strait jacket

"Before you go Mr. Mouto I would like you to have this journal so you can discuss your errr unique feelings and express your obviously, ahem, unique mind." She said giving him a small pink book with the words 'Diary' scribbled in a blue cursive font on the cover. I eyed the 'diary' dubiously.

"Sorry it was our last one," she said, and if her lips hadn't been pursed so seriously, I could've sworn she was trying to laugh. Not to worry, I'd chuck it out on the first chance I got. Ms. Thomas took out the locks on the straightjacket and wishedme the best of luck.

"Here's my card if you should ever feel the need to reach me," Ms. Thomas said with an odd almost malevolent look in her eyes.I glanced down at the card which read 'Always Kind. Always Supportive. We want to help you. –M.D. Laura Thomas.' Too bad Yami didn't read the fine print on the bottom because then it would have read 'No matter what…once in program, the person in questioning must remain until seen fit'

Um, not so supportive? No kidding.

Ms. Laura Thomas, the most successful psychiatrist in Domino, was having a little competition. Mr. Katz, the friendly, new foreigner, was starting to take some of her customers. No more customers meant no more money. No money meant not being extravagantly rich. And this was smiply unthinkable.

So she had devised a plan that would be considered questionable to some of her colleagues like that goody-goody Katz….

But to her it meant cold, hard, beautiful cash.  
She sat on her luxurious black plush chair while she polished her acrylic nails lazily.

She gave Mr. Mouto five minutes, tops, before he would come back.  
In the meantime…

"Yes, is this the Domino police station? Thank you, I'd like to speak to Sheriff Yamamoto…tell him I have a hotheaded delinquent on the loose…His name you ask? Yami Mouto."

Ah, business was good.

**2:35 p.m. moodily walking along the psychiatrists' building**  
Meh, stupid diary.

**2:36 p.m. still moodily walking  
**Hmm…must beat Kaiba…  
Must think of sufficient punishment for hikari…(I like the accidentally confessing his love for Tea or if I'm feeling evil…which I am…sneaking him on the spleen puncher roller coaster where 70 percenthurl…while their dear friends take pictures for memories to come…Priceless)  
Hmmm…Why do I hear a rustling, and clicking noise nearby? And it feels like there's a continuous flash of light…

OMG those are-

**2:38 p.m.** **in supposedly 'spontaneous' press conference…Spontaneous, my a-**  
"Mr. Mouto, how are you taking this loss?"  
Wonderful. See this I'm-perfectly-fine-with-losing-my-world-gaming-title-and-being-humiliated-worldwide-by-a-dragon-named-ASSKICKER-Fluffy smile! Can't you just feel the happy?

"Mr. Mouto, Seto Kaiba is now the new gaming King. Your thoughts?"  
Think frilly pink tutu and I'll be fine. Deep breaths, I can control my anger. In, Think tutu... Out: think pirouettes.

"Mr. Mouto how does it feel to lose it all!"  
Why I dunno, lovely. I simply adore the feeling of hitting rock bottom.

"Mr. Mouto, you were publicly humiliated worldwide! What are you going to do next?"  
What am I supposed to say? 'I'm going to DisneyWorld!' Hell, no.

"Mr. Mouto: about your diary-"  
(click) Great. They now have millions of pictures of my PINK diary and I. (click) I'll never be able to live this down. (click)

"Mr. Mouto are you-"

TT Grrrrrr…will they just stop already!

"MR. MOUTO-"

I snap.  
"**_SHUT UP ALREADY_**!" I roared to the stupefied reporters and cameramen. "GET OUT OF HERE YOU NOSY MOTHER-" I don't think aibou would be too happy with the word I just used. But the reporters were eating it up. In a rage to wipe the greedy smirks off their faces, I flung my diary out of a glass-wall length window, shattering it. I think I also hit something by the indignant yell 3 seconds later…but by this point my care-o-meter had reached an all-time low. The hungry reporters, eager for the story of a duelist gone mad, shoed more microphones, taped recorders, and cameras at my face.  
Let's just say I don't wield a Millennium Puzzle for nothing.  
Oops, did all of their cameras, microphones, and other technological equipment just break irrevocably because of little 'ol me…What a shame.  
"Whoopsie," I say innocently.  
Now with that innocent look that would've made Bambi proud, and no proof of what I just did…I am sooo going to get away with it.

**2:40 p.m.**  
Not.

Forgot about the cell phones and the fact that I'm IN A PSYCHOLOGISTS' BULIDING!  
Major oopsie.  
Two burly thugs of the building, Bruno and uh Ugg (don't ask), were specially trained to catch renegade patients…which is why I find myself being chased with a needle-sharp TRANQUILIZER SHOT as Bruno and Ugg try to soften the moment of inevitable doom. "Oh, it won't hurt that much starfish man…"

You say that to my already aching butt you liars.  
"Catch me if you can," I say, sticking my tongue out as I spy an exit down the patients' laundry chute. 1…2…almost there…  
_Oof!  
_X.X (sigh) Note to self: if you ever want to escape from a psychiatric ward…remember that those two big burly thugs…well they can tackle you…HARD.

**2:40 p.m. Ms. Thomas on phone with sheriff**  
"So it's settled then.A man by the name of Bakura will be joining our Mr. Mouto in their month-long job 'community service' or else stay here paying forever."  
"It's settled then Miss Thomas…these boys won't last a week with our precious 'buddy system'" the sheriff said and both heartless people gave a long cackle of amusement

Ah, if only Yami and Bakura could hear her now…

**At that exact moment**  
OMG my sexy Bakura senses are tingling! (a/n: get your minds out of the gutter!)  
Ryou looks at me oddly before shoving a pack of Oreos into my mouth. He said something about me sounding smarter by not talking…but hey, these Oreos are good.  
Back to my sexy sixth sense…Why do I get the feeling that something very bad just happened?  
Hmmm…I should look into this…  
But wait we're out of Oreos! Oh no!  
Me: To the Bakuramobile!  
Ryou: More like my rusty bike…  
And Ryou say it's a miracle that I stayed the King of Thieves for so long.  
Pfff, I have Oreos AND a sexy sixth sense. Beat that.

**2:41 p.m.** **about to be injected with needle**  
Not the butt! Not my perfect, flawless, tight, muffinlike bottom!  
I must be strong…  
I squeak though: It's coming closer and closer…  
Hey, it's just a stupid little needle right? How much damage can it do?  
It reaches my tender skin.  
MOTHER F-  
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

* * *

I guess you could call that moment of pain a cliff-hanger, right?  
Anyways, I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't as funny as the first but it was just so much harder for some reason…Meh, once the jobs get rolling, it'll be easier.  
So PLZ REVIEW, YOU GUYS INSPIRE ME TO KEEP WRITING THIS FIC! (Sorry if sweet little Yugi was OOC but hey, I thought it was funny...espescially the Wheaties comment)  
-Starlet36 


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